Mazel tov – you’re engaged!
It’s a time of incredible celebration, excitement and…planning. And there’s a lot of planning to do.
The hall, the dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the color scheming (white or off-white? That’s the invitations, not the dress!), the flowers, the caterer, the band…and it better not rain. Oh, and did I mention your mother-in-law? And where you going to live?
So while being so amazing and exciting, it can also be very, very stressful. There are so many decisions, both big and small, to be made, so many people involved and therefore, so many different opinions.
But it’s not just the planning that causes stress. It’s also our expectations. Expectations on ourselves, what the wedding will look like, expectations of others and how they will want the wedding to be. Some people (yes, me too) have been imagining their wedding for years and have very specific expectations for it.
All this excitement and change is also a time of high emotions. It also is very expensive and many of us have anxiety when it comes to finances.
All in all, it can be extremely stressful!
I’m going to help you with a few tips to keep you calm for the run-up to the big day and for the day itself:
1. Breathe – All of the research on stress shows that deep breathing exercises really help to reduce stress. When we are stressed we automatically start to breathe more shallowly. To counteract this, we can learn how to take some slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds and exhale through the mouth for 4 seconds. You can also have a sentence you say to yourself as you are doing this, such as “I am breathing in calmness” on the inhale and “I am letting go of all tension” on the exhale. Whenever you start to feel stressed, stop and take 3 deep breaths.
2. Gratitude – When you start to feel overwhelmed it is helpful to tune in to all the good you have in your life. Stop for a moment and make a list in your head of all the things you are grateful for in your life, such as your health, your family, your fiancé, your home, your friends, your job etc. This can really help to calm you down.
3. Lower expectations – At the end of the day, whether you have the salmon or sushi as a starter, or no starter at all, this will not make or break the wedding and you won’t remember any of those little details years later. It is just not worth the stress to agonize over every little detail. The same goes for your dress, the flowers, the band etc. What people remember is the love in the room and the smiles.
4. Communication – It is really important at this time to communicate clearly to one other and to your families. Tell them how you are feeling without blaming or shouting. This is the time to be diplomatic and compromise where necessary.
5. Meditation and mindfulness – Staying in the moment and not letting our minds race to the future can be a great way to alleviate stress. Taking time out to meditate for just 5 minutes a day can really help to stay calm throughout the day.
6. Perspective – This engagement period is a very short period of your life and soon you will be married and be moving on with your life. It’s not worth letting this stress get to you. Whatever stress you are having will pass and if you can remember that, then it will pass sooner!
These are just some of the stress relieving tips you can use. I hope you find them helpful.
I’ll be so happy to hear from you. Contact me at helenabelesz@gmail.com. You can also follow me on Facebook where I regularly share tips. https://www.facebook.com/helenabelesz/
Wishing you a wonderful, calm wedding and life ahead!
Helen Abelesz, Life Coach
